Wow.

As I've said before, I began this blog as basically just a way to get a grade in my journalism class. I thought maybe it would be a good idea to start a blog about the school. Some people around me even said, "You're blogging about our school? That's so cool! No one does that. Our school isn't bloggable..." but I disagreed. I thought that maybe I could make the school bloggable. 'There's enough interesting things going on here. This is a good place. I could inform students of events and talk up the area...' etc. Now, almost exactly two weeks later, my view of the school has changed completely. I feel horrible saying this, but the majority of things you could say about the people here are bad. - Sure, it's a grounded area who's adults thrive on making a close, caring, inviting, and all around loving community, but it's not all strawberries and perfume. I absolutely LOVE that the mature people here have a dream of a perfect, close-knit community, and I wish that it were true, but it's not.
     When I first came to Triangle Lake, I was a very unhappy teenager. I had lived in the city all of my life. It was all that I knew, and more than anything, I wanted to stick to the familiar. Triangle Lake seemed like a good enough place for the young Henasie to roam, but I'm grown enough now that my idea of the perfect place is not in the country in the middle of nowhere. I have a family of five (my two younger brothers, my mother, my mother's boyfriend, and myself) all to whom this place seems to be perfect for, but it's not perfect for me. The fact that my family loves it out here so, has kept my complaining to an almost non-existence... but I can't do that forever.
     Everyone told me, "You'll be ok. I know things aren't so great for you right now, but in a couple months, they'll get better. Once you get to know the place and all the people, you'll be just fine. You're a terrific girl. You'll make good, new friends and fit in perfectly!" That, however, was not the case. My first day at Triangle Lake Charter school was a nerve-wracking event for me. It was roughly September 7th, and all I could do was wish it were already June.
     This school is a very small place. There are about 150 - 200 kids in the whole building, and they educate all 13 grades. With a small amount of people, you would imagine that there were small amounts of classrooms and desk space - which is mostly true - but as a new student, I had no idea where all of the classrooms were. I had no friends. The day I became apart of the student population was the first day I had ever stepped foot into the building, and I was terrified. All I had was a single piece of white paper with pitch black markings to guide me around. My schedule was not enough to get me where I needed to go. The beginning of the school day was very odd for me, but after I found out how great my English teacher was, I began to relax a bit. I started to feel as if the day would be ok... but then, the bell rang to release us to our next 70 minute period, and I panicked. I couldn't find my second period Health class. I was told that all of the high school classes were in the same wing, and that all were numbered, but this tricky 16 was nowhere to be found. I planned to follow the other students in my class, but they were all up and gone before I even got my things together. The feeling of despair that began to build inside of me was almost too much, and I wanted to run away back to where I came from. I had to have a teacher in the halls escort me to the class, and when I walked in, I was grateful, but the kids in the Sophomore class made me feel terribly inferior for getting lost. They made fun of me, and laughed. Wow, such a welcoming group, right?
     I never told anybody about that moment, because it hurt too much to relive. I had just gone through the heartbreak of losing a bunch of my friends and moving to a whole new place... a group of strangers mocking me was nothing I was proud of. The fact that the students weren't very nice didn't make my mission of happiness any better. Every time I brought up the fact that the kids were mean, my mother just blabbed the same thing as before. I knew it wouldn't get better. I could feel it rising in my core. Things would only get worse, and honestly, I tried my hardest to believe otherwise, but no matter how I handled the things that life began to throw at me, what I least hoped for started taking its toll.
     My family fits perfectly out here, (you know this, I've already said it) but I don't fit in at all. I've never had this problem before. Ever. I'm like a puzzle piece that was switched out of its old box and into a new one. Since that first day that people made fun of me and refused to open their arms to me (besides one, very amazing young lady, who not only opened her arms but also opened her heart and made me apart of her life, setting herself upon my Best Friends list), I’ve had a bit of resentment towards the students. I’ve tried not to show it, because I’m typically a nice person.. I’m forgiving, and always give people the benefit of the doubt, but in this case, I suppose it was a good thing for me to be a little edgy with the group.
     Last school week (April 4^th – April 8^th) was kind of a sad time for me. After the months and months of sad time out here, I had finally gotten used to the way things were… and then I started getting sick. I went to school Monday and Tuesday and tried to tough it out, but I just felt all below the weather and couldn’t handle it. I went home Tuesday after school and slept until Thursday evening, when I went on Facebook to visit with some people who I missed dearly. When I logged on, my newest closest friend informed me of the hatred towards me at the school…
     Back in September, my boyfriend of exactly 7 months broke my heart to no end, and I’ve been completely devastated ever since. I loved him more than life itself, and dealing with something like that, the hate from school, and the move from my friends all mashed together is really hard for someone like me to do. I’ve learned to cope with the pain I’ve gathered over the last 28 weeks, but I’ve never actually done anything to ease it. It’s been building up like fiery hot lava deep beneath the Earth’s surface, down in the core where nobody expects it to erupt, but it can’t stay pressured down there forever now, can it?
     When this friend of mine told me what these boys in my class were saying about me, while I was at home bedridden and terrible, I didn’t know what to do. I felt so horrible. I went straight to my messages and vented all of my feelings out to them. I told them all that I was tired of dancing around their crap and wasn’t going to take it anymore. These boys (and others) don’t know anything about me but my name, and that doesn’t say much of the person that I am at all. What right did they have to say the things they did about me? I was so hurt. It seems as though, ever since my baby brother was brought into this world, everything in my life has gone down hill (I don’t blame him, though. My love for him overpowers everything). All I want more than anything in the whole entire universe right now is to disappear and never return. I mean… it feels as though the whole school is saying things about me now. People I don’t even know are talking things they have no business speaking of. All I have to say to them and their horrid ways of treating people is: wow. "Wow," that they’re as hurtful as they are.
     The point of this post was just to show you, viewers and adults of the lake, that the school isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s a nice place, in general, but when you get down to it, when you look at the dirty details, it’s a really warped set of mind to place yourself in. I’m considering being homeschooled. I, honestly, have temper problems when things really get to me, and I don’t want to do anything I’ll regret – even if I said I was going to.
     This is bullying in its sincerest form, and I pray that it never happens to another student again.

Oh, and just to clarify things, I'm not really trying to put down the school or area... that's not the purpose. When I said that there's nothing good to say about the people out here, I didn't mean that fully. They're good people... but the kids are not the nicest.

*Notes on Prom coming soon.